boredom sets in....
ok so i have been sitting here reading others' blogs, and realized i have some funny shit stored on my puter.... and i dont very often addy it onto my blog, so if you have not read "HAIR REMOVAL" yet, i suggest you do so. otherwise read on, this one was pretty funny too (but no where near as good as hair removal)
fruit trial ---
Three men who were lost in the forest were captured by cannibals. The cannibal king told the prisoners that they could live if they pass a trial.
The first step of the trial was to go to the forest and get ten pieces of the same kind of fruit. So all three men went separate ways to gather fruits.
The first one came back and said to the king, "I brought ten apples." The king then explained the trial to him. "You have to shove the fruits up your butt without any expression on your face or you'll be eaten."
The first apple went in... but on the second one he winced out in pain, so he was killed.
The second one arrived and showed the king ten berries. When the king explained the trial to him he thought to himself that this should be easy.
So he proceeded: 1...2...3...4...5...6...7...8... and on the 9th berry he burst out in laughter and was killed immediately.
Weeks later, the first guy and the second guy met in heaven. The first one asked, "Why did you laugh, you almost got away with it?"
"I couldn't help it, I saw the third guy coming with pineapples."
*****************************
dumb body parts---
A mother and father took their 6-year-old son to a nude beach. As the boy walked along the beach, he noticed that some of the ladies had boobs bigger than his mother’s, and asked her why.
The mother told her son, "The bigger they are the dumber that person is."
Satisfied with the answer, the boy left to play in the ocean, but returned to tell his mother that many of the men have larger "pee-pees" than his dad.
His mother explained, "The bigger they are the dumber that person is." Again, satisfied with the answer, the boy returned to the ocean to play.
Shortly after, the boy returned again, promptly informing his mother, "Daddy is talking to the dumbest girl on the beach, and the longer he talks, the dumber he gets!"
******************************
pay back the cabbie---
A successful businessman flew to Vegas for the weekend to gamble. He lost the shirt off his back and had nothing left but a quarter and the second half of his round trip ticket. If he could just get to the airport he'd be able to get home. So he went out to the front of the casino where there was a cab waiting.
He got in and explained his situation to the cabbie. He promised to send the driver money from home, even offering his credit card numbers, drivers license number, address, and so forth, but to no avail. The cabbie yelled, "If you don't have fifteen dollars, get the hell out of my cab!" So the businessman was forced to hitch-hike to the airport and was barely in time to catch his flight.
One year later the businessman, having worked long and hard to regain his financial success, returned to Vegas and this time he won big. Feeling pretty good about himself, he went out to the front of the casino to catch a ride back to the airport.
Naturally, sitting at the end of a long line of cabs was his old buddy who had refused to give him a ride when he was down on his luck. The businessman thought for a moment about how he could make the driver pay for his lack of charity, when he came up with the perfect plan.
He got in the first cab in line, "How much for a ride to the airport," he asked?
"Fifteen bucks," came the reply.
"And how much for you to give me a blowjob on the way?"
"What?! Get the hell out of my cab."
The businessman got into the back of each cab in the long line and asked the same questions, with the same result.
When he finally got to his old friend at the back of the line, he got in and asked "How much for a ride to the airport?"
The cabbie replied, "fifteen bucks." The businessman said "ok" and off they went. Then, as they drove slowly past the long line of cabs the businessman gave a big smile and thumbs up sign to each driver.
ha ha, hope these made your day a little lighter. :)
fruit trial ---
Three men who were lost in the forest were captured by cannibals. The cannibal king told the prisoners that they could live if they pass a trial.
The first step of the trial was to go to the forest and get ten pieces of the same kind of fruit. So all three men went separate ways to gather fruits.
The first one came back and said to the king, "I brought ten apples." The king then explained the trial to him. "You have to shove the fruits up your butt without any expression on your face or you'll be eaten."
The first apple went in... but on the second one he winced out in pain, so he was killed.
The second one arrived and showed the king ten berries. When the king explained the trial to him he thought to himself that this should be easy.
So he proceeded: 1...2...3...4...5...6...7...8... and on the 9th berry he burst out in laughter and was killed immediately.
Weeks later, the first guy and the second guy met in heaven. The first one asked, "Why did you laugh, you almost got away with it?"
"I couldn't help it, I saw the third guy coming with pineapples."
*****************************
dumb body parts---
A mother and father took their 6-year-old son to a nude beach. As the boy walked along the beach, he noticed that some of the ladies had boobs bigger than his mother’s, and asked her why.
The mother told her son, "The bigger they are the dumber that person is."
Satisfied with the answer, the boy left to play in the ocean, but returned to tell his mother that many of the men have larger "pee-pees" than his dad.
His mother explained, "The bigger they are the dumber that person is." Again, satisfied with the answer, the boy returned to the ocean to play.
Shortly after, the boy returned again, promptly informing his mother, "Daddy is talking to the dumbest girl on the beach, and the longer he talks, the dumber he gets!"
******************************
pay back the cabbie---
A successful businessman flew to Vegas for the weekend to gamble. He lost the shirt off his back and had nothing left but a quarter and the second half of his round trip ticket. If he could just get to the airport he'd be able to get home. So he went out to the front of the casino where there was a cab waiting.
He got in and explained his situation to the cabbie. He promised to send the driver money from home, even offering his credit card numbers, drivers license number, address, and so forth, but to no avail. The cabbie yelled, "If you don't have fifteen dollars, get the hell out of my cab!" So the businessman was forced to hitch-hike to the airport and was barely in time to catch his flight.
One year later the businessman, having worked long and hard to regain his financial success, returned to Vegas and this time he won big. Feeling pretty good about himself, he went out to the front of the casino to catch a ride back to the airport.
Naturally, sitting at the end of a long line of cabs was his old buddy who had refused to give him a ride when he was down on his luck. The businessman thought for a moment about how he could make the driver pay for his lack of charity, when he came up with the perfect plan.
He got in the first cab in line, "How much for a ride to the airport," he asked?
"Fifteen bucks," came the reply.
"And how much for you to give me a blowjob on the way?"
"What?! Get the hell out of my cab."
The businessman got into the back of each cab in the long line and asked the same questions, with the same result.
When he finally got to his old friend at the back of the line, he got in and asked "How much for a ride to the airport?"
The cabbie replied, "fifteen bucks." The businessman said "ok" and off they went. Then, as they drove slowly past the long line of cabs the businessman gave a big smile and thumbs up sign to each driver.
ha ha, hope these made your day a little lighter. :)
posted by Bitch from Hell at 1:31 AM
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