LITTLE BITCHY ARE WE???
Alright, so yesterday I was just a smidge pissed off. I have had the worst week and weekend EVER so far as I can tell. First of all, S and myself have been quibbling over what seems like everything. stress is a killer. sometimes I wonder why am I here, is this what life is sposed to be like? so S and I are arguing, and JT... (remember he is 11) gets in the middle of the argument, thereby turning the focus to himself. when someone tries to let him know he is out of line, and this argument is between adults... **gasp** he (jt) tells said adult to "fuck right off" !! OMG what the hell is that? why do these teenagers and pre teens these days think they can behave like little animals all the time? I almost fainted! MY KID JUST SWORE LIKE A SAILOR! ok, so i am now completely taken back, and have no idea what to do about it. i still dont. i must have failed my kids somewhere for them to think, specifically jt ... that it is ok to speak to an adult in that fashion. maybe it has something to do with his living with his bachelor father now, i dunno. but i have to take some blame, i am his mother...... but wtf? he would have never had the balls to say that when he was living here at home. is it a bad thing to feel like giving up on a kid, not saying i would , i just FEEL like it. i have tried so damned hard to get jt on track, to get him focused on school, homework... etc. the important things in his young life right now.... and all he seems to be interested in doing is treating EVERYONE around him like a peon, dirt under his shoes... AND impressing the girls. omg, school = girls.... to him. all he talks about are his girlfriends. and last year he pushed the envelope soooooo far, that we all agreed maybe being at his fathers was a better idea for this school year. it is his last year before going to middle school, his last chance to straighten out. it is a constant fight to get his homework done, i have conversed with the teachers 3 times a week since freakin kindergarten!!!!!!! trying to ensure he gets the work done and passes the grade level. now it seems like his father wont be keeping such good tabs on him, and everything i worked so hard for is down the drain. im not a bad parent, im a concerned one, im not meddling, im trying to ensure he uses responsibility, and learns consequenses for his actions. "FOR EVERY ACTION, THERE IS AN EQUAL REACTION" you know what, there is just too much history here to get into it, i could write a freakin book! lets just say, that i FEEL like giving up on my kid, signing my rights over to his father and washing my hands of all the shit! but what evil person gives up on there kid? im over my head with him, K and W are soooooooo the exact opposite of him, they love school, homework, etc. they follow rules, they listen when spoken to, and they have e level of respect for themselves and others............ what did i do so differently with them, from JT? i can't know!!! i just dont know what to do, i know where my heart is, yet i am so frustrated and angry.......i just want to give up. mitey mite help me, i know you have some insight hun, im gonna pull all my hair out. no wonder i found a couple of grays ...........and shame on me, i plucked them!!! grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr i have to go do the dishes, i'll be putting up another mame later, i got tagged again. lol patience is a virtue Caralyn....... remember you were a kid too...........( but was i really this hard on my folks??? )
posted by Bitch from Hell at 10:03 AM
1 Comments:
Oh, sweetie, I know just how you feel. My oldest did a total rebellion when her father & I divorced -- it was years of hell, but she now works for the police department. I had a little mantra I said to myself over & over with her: the better a child learns something, the harder he has to rebel. And yes, now all these years later it's obvious she did learn it all, but OMG did she put us all through hell for a time. The schoolwork thing was none other than Guppyman. He would even do the damn homework, but not turn it in. That's how he punished me for tearing up his happy(?) home. His father totally ignored the kids for several years, and on the rare occasions they saw him they were afraid to tell him how they felt (cause even that little something was better than nothing, they thought) -- so they saved up all their anger to dish out on me because they knew I wasn't going anywhere. I even knew that was what was going on, but it didn't make it any easier to endure at the time. You may be getting some of that same displaced anger because he trusts you not to stop loving him. I think Guppy can tell you, living with your bachelor father does not necessarily give you that trust. Guppy did not get his rear in gear until they were pregnant with the Little Angel -- then he worked full-time all day, went to school at night, pulled a 3.999 GPA, and turned into a loving but strict father. Funny, but the two who gave me fits are very strict parents; the one who never did anything wrong (Guppy will dispute that, but she was not ever in my face with it) is a more lenient parent. I know this isn't helping you now, but if you can take a long view of things, maybe it will help to know that all that stuff you taught them when they were little really does last. I wish I could tell you how to stop the bad behaviors, but I sucked at it. I didn't even realize half the stuff they did, I was so naive. Guppy can probably give you advice on that, because he knows what he was really craving -- discipline--I still don't know what would have worked --but I bet anything Guppy has some good ideas. I listen to Dr. Laura sometimes; she frequently suggests stripping everything out of a child's room and letting them earn it back. Harder to do when they don't live with you full time anymore. Maybe you just have to take him back to his dad's if he uses that kind of language (and that kind of attitude) and let him know you love him but you will not let him abuse you. I don't know, I just shudder when I think how badly I handled their preteen and teen years, but somehow they all came out to be law-abiding, employed, good citizens and good parents. I think you have to have been pretty wild in your youth to really understand how to handle it. So, Guppy, can you give some expert advice here?
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