boredom sets in....

ok so i have been sitting here reading others' blogs, and realized i have some funny shit stored on my puter.... and i dont very often addy it onto my blog, so if you have not read "HAIR REMOVAL" yet, i suggest you do so. otherwise read on, this one was pretty funny too (but no where near as good as hair removal)

fruit trial ---
Three men who were lost in the forest were captured by cannibals. The cannibal king told the prisoners that they could live if they pass a trial.
The first step of the trial was to go to the forest and get ten pieces of the same kind of fruit. So all three men went separate ways to gather fruits.
The first one came back and said to the king, "I brought ten apples." The king then explained the trial to him. "You have to shove the fruits up your butt without any expression on your face or you'll be eaten."
The first apple went in... but on the second one he winced out in pain, so he was killed.
The second one arrived and showed the king ten berries. When the king explained the trial to him he thought to himself that this should be easy.
So he proceeded: 1...2...3...4...5...6...7...8... and on the 9th berry he burst out in laughter and was killed immediately.
Weeks later, the first guy and the second guy met in heaven. The first one asked, "Why did you laugh, you almost got away with it?"
"I couldn't help it, I saw the third guy coming with pineapples."
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dumb body parts---
A mother and father took their 6-year-old son to a nude beach. As the boy walked along the beach, he noticed that some of the ladies had boobs bigger than his mother’s, and asked her why.
The mother told her son, "The bigger they are the dumber that person is."
Satisfied with the answer, the boy left to play in the ocean, but returned to tell his mother that many of the men have larger "pee-pees" than his dad.
His mother explained, "The bigger they are the dumber that person is." Again, satisfied with the answer, the boy returned to the ocean to play.
Shortly after, the boy returned again, promptly informing his mother, "Daddy is talking to the dumbest girl on the beach, and the longer he talks, the dumber he gets!"
******************************
pay back the cabbie---

A successful businessman flew to Vegas for the weekend to gamble. He lost the shirt off his back and had nothing left but a quarter and the second half of his round trip ticket. If he could just get to the airport he'd be able to get home. So he went out to the front of the casino where there was a cab waiting.
He got in and explained his situation to the cabbie. He promised to send the driver money from home, even offering his credit card numbers, drivers license number, address, and so forth, but to no avail. The cabbie yelled, "If you don't have fifteen dollars, get the hell out of my cab!" So the businessman was forced to hitch-hike to the airport and was barely in time to catch his flight.
One year later the businessman, having worked long and hard to regain his financial success, returned to Vegas and this time he won big. Feeling pretty good about himself, he went out to the front of the casino to catch a ride back to the airport.
Naturally, sitting at the end of a long line of cabs was his old buddy who had refused to give him a ride when he was down on his luck. The businessman thought for a moment about how he could make the driver pay for his lack of charity, when he came up with the perfect plan.
He got in the first cab in line, "How much for a ride to the airport," he asked?
"Fifteen bucks," came the reply.
"And how much for you to give me a blowjob on the way?"
"What?! Get the hell out of my cab."
The businessman got into the back of each cab in the long line and asked the same questions, with the same result.
When he finally got to his old friend at the back of the line, he got in and asked "How much for a ride to the airport?"
The cabbie replied, "fifteen bucks." The businessman said "ok" and off they went. Then, as they drove slowly past the long line of cabs the businessman gave a big smile and thumbs up sign to each driver.

ha ha, hope these made your day a little lighter. :)

at this very minute....

At this very minute...
someone is thinking of you
someone cares about you.
someone misses you.
someone wants to hold your hand.
someone wants you to be happy.
someone wants to hug you.
someone will do anything for you.
someone needs to know your love is unconditional.
someone wants to tell you how much they care.
someone wants to stay up watching movies w/ you.
someone wants to hold you in their arms.
someone wants to see you.
someone wants to be your lover.
someone loves you for who you are.
someone loves the way you make them feel.
someone wants to be with you.
someone wants you to know they are there for you.
someone is glad that you're their friend.
someone is wishing you would notice them.
someone wants to get to know you better.
someone loves you.someone wants to hear your voice.
don't we all want someone to feel this way about us?

I HATE CARS ! ! !

ok I am sooooo pissed off! I ran all over town today paying bills...ya I know whoopee! Anyways, so it's like 7 30 pm, and I finally had time to get to the grocery store. left the kids home with S took my dog with (forgot to grab leash..big oopsie! ) and headed for safeway. The lights were all out when I arrived, wierdest thing, parking lot completely black, but store was lit up like a x mas tree. I went and did my shopping, come back out, and my tire is flatter than flat! SHIT! good thing I brought my cell.......so I called my brother who in turn called my dad (whom is a tow truck driver thank god) daddy comes racing to the rescue. YAY! so my dad fills my tire with air, curious I asked him as he filled it how much it costs for people who dont have tow truck daddys? lol. omg, would you believe 55 $$$ to fill your tire with *gulp* AIR??? oh, plus tax of course! lol... so dad finished filling my tire, and i swear it was like wind.. lmao coming from my tire, it went flat in a matter of seconds. so back to my original problem, i had been driving around all day, no problems. so if my tire went flat that fast..... either i ran over something horrid in the safeway parking lot, or my car had been vandelized. so dad says um im gonna hafta tow ya home. my poor car was being lifted onto this giant metal bar thingy, attached to a friggin tow truck! mean while i have taken poor brutus out of the car, and he is freaking out. I guess the truck was a bit loud, i dunno, but he was scared to death. puppy clingin to your neck... thats pretty adorable. so now my car is here at home, with a very flat tire!and do you know aht time it was when i finally made it home??? like almost 9 30 pm. what a friggin night!!! im curious if my car was vandelized, because i was not kidding, it went flat in seconds!!! i'll know tomorrow when S pulls it off and swaps it for my spare. what a pisser, i had things to do tomorrow!!! hmph.
ok I have to go catch up some reading on other blogs... be back soon.........

UGGGGGGGGGH Where did summer go???

ok so here in this pic, is gramma and the two kids with dark hair are her grandsons on her hubbys side... and two blondies of course are K and W in the last bit of summer fun. thought i would put a recent pic of them on here for ya'all...... i gotta get a recent pic of JT , soon as i have it i will post it!!! summer is gone folks, gear up for x- mas...................ugggggggh!!!! i was pissed that halloween stuff was on the shelves half way thru july... but omg, x mas stuff is on the shelves now. just a friendly reminder from the stores that they are about to own your next 4 paychecks and your ass!!! lol ok i really gotta go get some snack for K now, hes getting pissy lol....................... till later..

HMPH!

Well it has come to my attention that people are actually reading my blog! WOW ........ koodo's to those who read it, cuz sometimes there is some funny shit on here. lol just wanted to say thank you for reading, I will keep trying to entertain ya'all :)

now for all of you whom are parents, I am positive you can relate to this one....
ever been caught having great sex by your kids in the middle of the night? well lemme just tell ya, i got caught the other night. HOW MORTIFYING! my lil w wants to know ..haha.... what was daddy doing to you to make you cry like that mommy? lmao soooooooooooo bad. thats the funniest thing , she thought i was hurt. i had to find some classy ( as classy as i could come up with for such things) way to explain to w that mommy and daddy were just making babys... lol, she replir\es with " how do you do that mommy". gee ummmmmm, i think 5 is a little young, so i kinda reverted her attention on to some other thing. i guess i better learn to be more quiet??? omg! too much fun having kids isnt it? well gotta run, bbl.... kids are asking for snack.......

Holy Crap

I cannot believe the storms brewing in the gulf! they are just incredibly big this year. i hope all my blogfriends in the gulf area are ok................

book time....

ok folks, its that time again! BOOK TIME ! i am currently reading
HIDE AND SEEK, by JAMES PATTERSON.
I am going to tell you what paragraph 3 of page 276 says. random page, random paragraph, then when you are on your blog, you do the same, and post into my comments as well... neat way to find new authors and interesting books, saw it on someone elses blog!
ok so paragraph 3 of page 276:

"well, when a star falls it blazes as it hits the atmosphere and is then extinguished. To Maggie Bradford, you , ladies and gentlemen of the jury, are her atmosphere, and because you stand for justice, she will never shine again.......she MUST never shine again."

well THAT was a run on sentence from hell!
ok so now i will wait to see if any of you bother to write whats on page 276 paragraph 3 in your current book !
well i have been watching the coverage of rita....... good lord shes a strong storm!!! if you havent yet checked it out, lemme plug someones blog here. its great, a couple of newsreporters are down in the storm areas, were covering katrina, now covering rita, omg, the blog is so great, so anyways im gonna plug it now. its called eye of the storm, and the blog addy is
dancingwithkatrina.blogspot.com
if you havent run across it yet, please go read, and look, its amazing. they are really working hard down there. ok s is home now so i better get going, i'll post more later.

23 things

In the Mood to Meme
23 Things about ME ~
1. If you had to choose between a million bucks or to be able to go back in time and fix all your mistakes which would you choose?A million bucks! sheesh, some mistakes just shouldnt be fixed!
2. When you look at yourself in the mirror, what's the first thing you look at? my eyes.
3. How much cash do you have on you right now?on my person....nada! um, in my change jar... bout 15 bucks! almost payday tho..... lol
4. Favorite plant? i like seeds, if its a seed i try to grow it, currently working on a peach seed!
5. Who is the 4th person on your missed call list on your cell phone? just got it, nobody has the number!
6. What is your main ring tone on your phone? ha ha.... the ice cream man song lmao! kids go, wheres the ice cream truck mom? lol
7. What shirt are you wearing? pink tank top
8. Do you "label" yourself? yeppers! lots of things at that! lol
9. Name brand of your shoes currently wearing? I'm barefoot at the moment.
10. Do you prefer a bright or dark room? Usually, I like it on the dark side , for i can light candles.
11. What did you have for breakfast? coffee and a yogurt.
12. What were you doing at midnight last night? um, watching the rocky horror picture show with my friend.
13. Last thought you had before you had a wreck? I have never personally been in a wreck of my own doing. but i think it would be "oh shit! "
14. What did your last text message you received on your cell phone say? ya um, hello, just got it, refer to number 5 lol
15. What's an expression that you say a lot? thats tasty, and cool beans. but the worst one of all. ... omg, baaaad, i say dude waaaaay too much!
16. Who told you they loved you last? My daughter
17. Last furry thing you touched? my pup brutus' fur.
18. How many hours a week do you work? Define work... lol
19. How many rolls of film do you need to get developed? 9 I think. No joke. and i have had a digital camera for like a year... omg!
20. Favorite age you have been so far? 15.......... oh to be young again!
21. Your worst enemy? Myself
22. What is your current desk top picture? a pic of a huge st bernard and a itty bitty chiwawa , chiwawa saying fuck you to st bernard, caption under pic says..." never be afraid to say what you feel." dont we know it! lol
23. What was the last thing you said to someone? " i told you feeding the spiders was fascinating!"

POLITICALLY CORRECT???

"TOWEL HEADS"
Recently I received a warning about the use of this politically incorrect term, so please note, we all need to be more sensitive in our choice of words. I have been informed the Islamic terrorists, who hate our guts and want to kill us, do not like to be called "Towel Heads", since the item they wear on their heads is not actually a towel, but in fact, a small folded sheet. Therefore, from this point forward, please refer to them as "Little Sheet Heads." Thank you for your support and compliance on this delicate matter.

And, God Bless America.

NOT TO BE CONFUSED WITH "SHIT HEADS" TO BE SURE !

ok now i have this blog on my blogroll over there------->>> Eye of the storm, now if ya havent checked it out as of yet, you should! whoever this person is, they are down in new orleans, taking daily notice of the things going on there. I have seen and read some phenomenal things on this mans site. but a picture to share is this one... lol he captions it... " hello... Geico... does my insurance cover the boat that fell on my car??" lmao... its not a funny situation, but a rather amusing quote with this pic.

Well now, Don't we all wish we could be so bold? teehee. Hope We are all having a Wonderful day!!!

What the hell is that?

OH MY GOD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! geeeeeeeeeez, can you believe this is a real picture? like un- doctored and stuff? who, or what can do this to they re eyeballs and not keel over? okay so as you can see... chores get done real quick with out kids under foot! so i surf the web for wierd things while i have my own time! and this is the wierd crap people put out there. i think i'll go re scrub the tub! lol. well lets see, survivor started lask week, usually i am pretty impressed with the first episode, and sadly this season is not the same! i found myself not giving a rip about it being on, bored and yawning! i will watch untill steph gets voted off. in my opinion she had deserved the win on her run of survivior... she had the biggest cahoonies! so far, the only reason im going to watch this season is becuz of steph! c'mon cbs, get it goin on, this season sucks!
Hmmm, what else is going on??? oh i think my cat is pregnant! she's very much into her own time right now, acting very different than ever. maybe she's in heat, but i think she's pregnant. how long is a cats gestation anyways? oh i cant wait, the only litter of kittens i ever saw as a child was when my dad was fixing a toilet from under the house..... and in the bathroom through the floor my mom and i heard what sounded like kittens. so my mom made dad crawl all over under that damn house with a flashlight and sure enuff there were some under there... mama had died in birth, so my mom and dad came to the rescue of these little kittens, we kept one, called it tinkerbell, he died a few years back. but i have never had a litter of my own. this should be fun. i think .... yup!-----note to self, read up on kittens and birth of! lol.
well i have a little less than an hour till i go pick up W from school. then about an hour later i go get K from the bus stop. i miss my kids. its very quiet around here when they are all at school.
Well i am off to go enjoy a long hot shower before i go get W from school. enjoy your day every one!!! :)

HAIR REMOVAL

Hair Removal...... All methods have tricked us with their promises of easy, painless removal - The epilady, scissors, razors, Nair and now...the wax. My night began as any other normal weekday night. Come home fix dinner, played with the kids. I then had the thought that would ring painfully in my mind for the next few hours: Maybe I should pull the wax out of the medicine cabinet. So I headed to the site of my demise; the bathroom. It was one of those cold wax kits. No melting a clump of hot wax, you just rub the strips together in your hand and then they get warm and you peel them apart press it to your leg (or wherever else) and hair comes right off. No muss, no fuss. How hard can it be? I mean I'm no girly, girl but I am mechanically inclined enough I can figure it out. YA THINK!!! So I pull one of the thin strips out. Its two strips facing each other stuck together. Instead of rubbing them together, I get out the hair dryer and heat it to 1000 degrees. Cold wax my ass (Oh how this phrase haunts me!) I lay the strip across my thigh. Hold the skin around it tight and pull. OK so it wasn't the best feeling, but it wasn't too bad. I can do this! Hair removal no longer eludes me! I am Sheera, fighter of all wayward body hair and smooth skin extrodinaire. With my next wax strip I move north. After checking on the kids I sneak back into the bathroom, for the ultimate hair fighting championship. I drop my panties and place one foot on the toilet. Using the same procedure, I apply the wax strip across the right side of bikini line, covering the right half of my coochie and stretching down to the inside of my ass cheek (Yes, it was a long strip) I inhale deeply and brace myself. RRRRIIIPPP!!!! I'M BLIND.... BLINDED FROM PAIN!!!!....Vision returning, I notice that I've only managed to pull off half of the strip. SHIT!!! Another deep breath and RRIIPP. Everything is swirly and spotted. Do I hear crashing drums??? OK, back to normal. I want to see my trophy - my wax covered pelt that has caused me so much pain. I want to revel in the glory that is my triumph over body hair. I hold up the strip but there is no hair on it. Where is the wax??? Slowly I eased my head down, foot still perched on the toilet. I see the hair..The hair that should be on the strip. I touch. I am touching wax . SHIT I peel my fingers over the most sensitive part of my body that is now covered in cold wax and matted hair and then make the next big mistake. Remember my foot is still propped up on the toilet. I know I need to move to do something. So I put my foot down and then I hear the slamming of the cell door. Coochie? Sealed shut. Ass? Sealed shut. I penguin walk around the bathroom trying to figure out what to do and think to myself "I hope I don' t get the urge to Shit. My head may pop off" Hot water!! Hot water melts wax!! I'll run the hottest water I can stand, the wax should melt and I can gently wipe it off right??? WRONG I get in the tub - the water is slightly hotter than that used to torture prisoners of war or sterilize surgical equipment - I sit. Now the only thing worse than having your business glued together is having them glued together and then glued to the bottom of the tub in scalding hot water; which by the way doesn't melt the cold wax. So now I'm stuck to the bottom of the tub!! I call my friend thinking surely she's waxed before and has some secret of how to get me undone. Its a very good conversation starter "So, my ass and cooch are stuck to the bottom of the tub!" She doesn't have a secret trick but does try to hide the laughter from me. She wants to know exactly where is the wax on the ass "Are we talking cheeks or hole or what?" She's laughing out loud by now...I can hear her. I give her the rundown and she suggests I call the number on the side of the box YEAH Right!! I could be the joke of some one elses night. While we go through various solutions. I result in scraping the wax off with a razor. Nothing feels better then to have your girlie goodies covered in hot wax, glued shut, stuck to the tub in super hot water and then dry shaving the sticky wax off!! I then find the most beautiful saving grace.... that is the lotion they give you to remove the excess wax. I rub some and scream "IT works!! It works!! I get a hearty congratulations from my friend and she hangs up. I successfully remove the remainder of the wax and then notice to my dismay...The hair is still there...all of it. So I shaved the shit off. Hell, I'm numb at this point. Then I put the wax back in the medicine cabinet, I may have a mustache that needs work someday.. Next week I'm going to try hair color.......

pre school blues

Oh my god!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I thought for sure W would have a caniption fit and cry when it came time to go to school. But here I took her to the open house/ ice cream social.... time to meet teachers , other classmates and see classroom before school starts. And my LIL girl... she cried when it was time to go. what happened to crying cuz ya dont want to go to school? She is so brave, and such a social butterfly, she is counting days till school! Poor me.... first time in 11 years no kids at home, all in school....... what a trip. whatever will i do with myself? i was thinking part time work... or omg, clean the house ... and it stays clean for a few hours, or oh i can watch my shows uninterrupted. this should prove to be interesting! anyways, off to bed, got a long day tomorrow!